Two Months

Two months

... of my thoughts and things to share. This is how my attempt started in MS Word a bit over a month ago...

Time for some serious blogging ...
... because someone told me to do so a couple of weeks ago and I suddenly felt compelled to take action now (finally?) at 1am on a Sunday morning just cuz I'm not tired enough to sleep yet. Somehow I predict that this’ll take a couple of days to finish ...
For the past several months, life has been particularly challenging, eventful(?) and deep thought inducing. On too many occasions have certain things/situations been thrown at me, relationships with some people going haywire/not to my liking, too many things happening around me that shouldn’t affect me have been indirectly affecting me, constant questioning and self reflection on my walk with Christ, getting annoyed at myself for my own behaviour, getting annoyed at others for their behaviour (which I really shouldn’t)... and the list goes on. This is starting to sound like a rant entry ...

... and so it did, 2 pages later. Yes it did turn out to be a rant entry (it just went on and on and on and then I fell asleep at the end), but no one is ever going to see that now. Trying to share a whole month’s (or more) worth of things at one in the morning is no good. And since my multiple attempts since then haven’t worked well, I’ve concluded that I won’t get anywhere with detail ... so I’m just going to keep it simple/to a minimum. Ask if highly curious (emphasis on highly), otherwise, don’t?

Holidays
So, the semester continues on. Honestly, I have fully wasted this week of break time that’s been given to me (uni study wise). I’m really annoyed at myself. What annoys me even more is the fact that it’s not the first time. It’s like a constant reminder that I’m not actively doing anything to change this bad habit of mine. Procrastinating, constant mindset that I still have time to complete what I need to do at a later date ... the problem of knowing but not doing. On the other hand, this week long break has given me the opportunity for some good me time (which I really needed) and the chance to catch up on some of the non-uni related things I needed to do (unfortunately, not all done). I guess I’m just in conflict on whether I used my break time wisely or not. Either way, I’m happy that there actually was a break.

Uni
University life, I could say, has been a major downfall for me. Work and study has been kept to a minimum not matter how hard I’ve tried. My laziness is pretty bad right now and my motivation is nearly all out the door. I’ve totally lost my work ethic. I used to think I was able to complete things on time and have somewhat of an orderly/organised feel about my life. Now, that’s just far from it. I wish I had as much willpower as I had during high school, or as much as I believed to have had back then. I’m really disappointed in myself about that. I feel that I’ve become a major disappointment; to myself especially, to family and to close friends (whether they know it or not). I feel that I have worsened as a person and that my behaviour and attitude should be given a big smack on the head (if it had one… or maybe someone should just literally smack me on the head). Too many times have I done something, thinking it was the proper thing to do but then upon reflecting upon the actions later, decided that it was probably the worst/most stupidest thing I could’ve done given the situation. I really hate myself for that. And the fact that it continually happens ... again… and again… and again… and you get the idea.

General life and everything else
(ie. all my random thoughts ... no paragraphs from this point onwards are logically linked)
Time is a bum.

Procrastination is bad. Not that I didn’t know that already.

My memory is getting progressively worse ...

Life is one huge rollercoaster ride experience or a puzzle board. (yes I know, very cliche, shush). There’s the bits where you get a big kick out of it (past few months: Church camps – EMP and BLT), there’s the bits where things just continually seem to be at a loss (down time in life) and there’s the bits that are normal (everything else I guess). Then you know, there’s the bits that don’t make sense but after you piece it all together, you get the bigger picture and voila! everything makes sense. There’s just so many things constantly nagging at me right now, most of the time, I just feel in a total loss of what to do next. I guess what’s important is that I’m gradually and slowly learning from it (I think).

Why do all big things happen at the end of the year? Grr ...

Things I’ve absorbed from EMP and BLT are constantly nagging me each day like someone constantly whacking you over the head with a pillow (or a book sometimes ... but that really hurts) or a kid that constantly tugs at your sleeve or the dust that is increasingly accumulating over my table or the ... ok I’ll stop.

Chocolate buffet in the city ... methinks I won’t be eating large amounts of chocolate for quite a while.

So many people are getting married lately, what’s with that?

Never third wheel unless needed ... otherwise avoid it whenever possible ...

Kids these days ... *no comment*

I want to watch some good horror/scary movies ...

In response to a news report about a guy handicapped after a night out with friends – why are people so agro and feel the need to waste themselves and vent it out on other human beings and potentially (in this case, literally) putting the lives of others at risk. What’s the point?

The song by Lifehouse, “Everything” and its accompanying drama is something that should be seen by anyone who hasn’t heard of the gospel. So silly of me, I kept wondering why I kept seeing it at various different places.

Rawr. I dislike the human behaviour of assumption and all its related things ... so bothersome. And fine, I’ll admit that I do it too, but just not in certain areas.

Radio has been on at work lately. So sick of the fact that radio stations choose to play the same songs over and over and over and over again when they have a choice of so many other songs to broadcast. On the other hand, a couple of weeks ago, the radio hosts had an interesting discussion between themselves and with the public on the topic of "Goals in Life". Typically, it started off with the usual studying hard out at school to enable yourself to enter a pro university so you can study the course you've planned to do since whenever, graduate from your studies after how many years, get your dream job, settle down, etcetc, and then all is good.
But is it really? Obviously, that’s how the discussion part came about. Most who called in were basically complaining - saying how their lives have unfortunately not worked out the way they’ve planned to; having a "defined" goal/path to success/life mapped out for themselves, but upon reaching that goal, they found that it wasn’t all that satisfying and felt that they were just stuck in the environment they landed themselves in from their area or studies. They felt unable to escape from it or progress to a further/higher stage.
In short (because it’s nearly 2am and I think I should be getting some sleep since uni is tomorrow and law lectures aren’t exactly the most interesting things I want to listen to), life isn’t all about ourselves and fulfilling our own desires, it’s about God. God created us so that we can serve Him and please Him. Reading "A Purpose Driven Life" once again has made me think about and explore such concepts in more depth (this topic was discussed in the 2nd chapter or something) on a different level than 5/6 years ago... I’m glad I dug this book out after all these years. It really sheds some light on a lot of things.

Sleep.

For those who read to the end, you’re crazy.