But do they sparkle??

Yesterday was probably the most interesting day at work all year (previous weeks were pretty much quiet and contained much thumb-twiddling and staring off into space); various jobs kept everyone occupied, customers frequently entered, moderate amount phone calls/orders/queries ... keeping us all moving until closing time.

Yesterday was also a day with much fail and lol.

#1 [If only stuff like this happened at work ... LOL!! ... http://notalwaysright.com/its-a-miracle-shes-still-on-the-ground/1847]
(this is halfway through an order/transaction)
Girl: So like, If I wanted to blow up these balloons myself, would I be able to?
Me: Like taking them to the florists for helium?
Girl: No, like blowing them up by mouth.
Me: Yeah of course, but they just won't be floating. You want them floating in the air didn't you?
Girl: No, no, I like want them on the ground.
Me: ... and not floating? *stops transaction*
Girl: Yeah I do, but like on the ground.
Me: Ok so what you're buying now is like a helium filled balloon with a piece of string coming down to be weighed down onto the ground. If you blow the balloons up yourself, they'll actually be on the ground because they'll be air filled and it's helium that makes balloons float.
Girl: Oh right, I get what you mean now *laughs* Then I guess if I blow them up myself they won't float.
Me: Yes.
Girl: Ok, yeah I'll get those balloons blown up then.
Me: *continues with transaction*
(LOL)

#2 [She has hearing and memory problems...]
Girl: Hi, I'm looking to get some balloons, what kind of sizes do you guys have?
Coworker: 30, 40 and 90cm ones *motions each balloon size with hands, making a massive circle for the 90cm one*
Girl: Oh wow ... so the 90cm one is quite big! So what kind of price would I be looking at for that one?
Coworker: They're [price] each for the standard colours and a couple of dollars more if you want the metallics. Girl: Okay so I'll probably go for the standard ones since they're cheaper... and what kind of colours do you have in those?
Coworker: Well what colours are you looking to get and how many? Because we only have a limited amount in each colour
Girl: Well I'm looking to get around 10 ... red ones would be good. Can I get those? *points to a stack of balloons that we're obviously in the process of working through*
Coworker: No, sorry, those are for an order that we've got for this afternoon.
Girl: So you're not selling them?
Coworker: No we aren't ...
Girl: Ok so can I take a look at the available colours?
*we proceed to sift through the box to look colours and 10 in the same colour*
Coworker: I'm sorry, we might have some problem in finding 10 balloons in the same colour for you in that size. What are you needing the balloons for?
Girl: Well it's just for this artwork idea that I have ... I'm not too sure how it'll turn out or how many balloons I actually need, really. Do you have like purple or something?
Coworker: *sifts around* Yep! A whole packet as well, unopened. And there's 10 in a pack! Here you go. This is the standard purple.
Girl: So that's a purple?
Coworker: Yes, right now it looks sort of black but when it's blown up, I assure you that it'll look like this colour *blows up a smaller version*
Girl: Ok ... so there's 10 in here?
Coworker: Yes.
Girl: And how much are they each?
Coworker: They're [price] each.
Girl: They're [price] each?
Coworker: Yes.
Girl: And this is like the metallic? Do you have the standard ones in there?
Coworker: No it's the standard colour.
Girl: Ok ... so how many are in this packet?
Coworker: Ten.
Girl: And how much is it?
Coworker: They're [price] each.
Girl: Each! Oh wow, so like if there's 10 in here, that's quite pricey. Can I not get 10? Maybe like 5 or something.
Coworker: Sure, we sell them individually anyway.
Girl: *staring at the packet* So like are there any other types of purple? What if I didn't want these metallic ones?
Coworker: No, the ones you're holding are the standard colour.
Girl: Oh okay, so it's not metallic?
Coworker: No.
Girl: And how much are they?
Coworker: They're [price] each.
Girl: And I don't have to get the whole pack?
Coworker: No you don't.
Girl: Alright I'll get like 5 then.
Me: ...
(sigh)

#3 [But do they sparkle???!]
Man (with heavy Indian accent): Do you sell candles?
Coworker: Yep, I'll just show you where they are.
*5 minutes later* Man: Do these sparkle? *firmly waves a packet of candles around*
Coworker: ... sparkle? You're holding candles there.
Man: But do they sparkle??
Coworker: I'm sorry I'm not too sure what you mean.
Man: *sighs* Ok. *pulls out phone and walks back to candles*
*5 minutes later*
Man: Do have candles that SPARKLE?
Coworker: Um ... ?
Man: *sigh* Here, here, just talk *shoves her his mobile*
Coworker: Um ... *gets phone* Hello? *inaudible voice over phone*
Man: *frustrated look on face*
Me: Oh hey! Nevermind, I think I know what he's talking about. *runs to pick up a pack of Sparklers* Do you mean these?
Man: I'm not sure.
Coworker & Me: ...
Man: *stares at packet* I might just get these. *pays and leaves*
Coworker & Me: lol ... *continues with work*
*10 minutes later - man re-enters store talking on the phone, goes to candle section and walks back up to counter*
Man: So the ones I bought before, do they sparkle??
Me: Yes. They do.
Man: Then what about these ones?
Me: Those ones are match lit candles, they don't sparkle as such, they're the ones you put on birthday cakes and where kids like to blow them out after singing happy birthday. The ones your bought before can't be blown out but they do sparkle and stuff.
Man: So the candles don't sparkle?
Me: No.
Man: Ok, so how do you put these (the Sparklers) into a cake?
Me: It's the same deal as those candles you're holding. They have a pointy end and all you have to do is just poke it into the middle of the cake.
Man: *stares at the wax candles* Okay ... I might get these as well.
Me: Sure.
Man: *pays and runs off quickly*
Coworker: BUT DO THEY SPARKLE!!!? *laughs*
(It's always good to make sure what you're buying is right and listen to the wife? lol)

#4 [No duh ...]
Me: *flips through job folder* Oh wow! There are absolutely no jobs booked in for tomorrow! *amazed* =O
Coworker: Yeah, that's great...
Me: It's absolutely empty!
Coworker: ... that's cuz it's a public holiday tomorrow.
Me: Oh yeah ... NEVERMIND!
Coworker: *laughs*
(FAIL. *headwall*)

#5 [To look nice?]
*Lady walks down the street in high platformed heels with two friends (male)*
Guy #1: I don't get how you chicks walk in those kinda shoes aye.
Guy #2: *laughs* I agree, I mean, look at how you're walking!
Lady: *looks at guys and laughs* (didn't hear what she said)

#6 [Vote ... anyone?]
Female Bus Driver: *shouts* Is anyone else freezing their butts off in here? Do you guys want the air-con turned off?
Passengers: -silence-
Female Bus Driver: Anyone? Anyone? *stares hard at rearview mirror*
Passengers: -silence ensues, people glance around-
Female Bus Driver: Okay, then it's just me ... I'll leave it on.


Ok, back to assignment time.